While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
