Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
