She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
