ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
