she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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