Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
True strength comes from lack of pants
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
