Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
