but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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