the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
