you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
