worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
