I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
