I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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