Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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