oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
