don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We are two peas in an std pod
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
