Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
