By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
