yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
