using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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