Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
