There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
