Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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