you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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