so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
