At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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