Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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