she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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