I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
