I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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