I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
