Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
