My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Go christen that room with your naked body.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
