You don't have asthma, your pregnant
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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