how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
