I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
