can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
