I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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