my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
