dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
