I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
