Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
