That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
