I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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