so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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