We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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