I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
