dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cannot find my penis.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
