i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
