Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
