I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
